The Picky ABCD Dater

Dating and marriage in this society is difficult enough as is with all the new rules, the non-committals, and all the other obstacles in our way. But dating and marriage for an ABCD has proven to be even more difficult while dealing with cultural expectations. Sure, your parents would like nothing more than for you to end up with someone from a similar background. Past the similarities in terms of genetics and religion, lies a whole other traverse of factors. Born and raised in America tends to give us personalities that don’t always mesh well with both “Americans” and those from back home. Quite frankly, we were not raised the same. There are different morals and viewpoints on how things should be. Not that there haven’t been a few that were able to navigate those waters successfully. But more often than not, there seems to be a disconnect. 


There are many ways this has gone and can go: 


  1. You can compromise with yourself and go in the direction of an set up for someone your family finds appropriate. Your level of happiness and satisfaction in such a situation is yet to be discovered. (Disclaimer: there are many arranged marriages that have worked.. another article) 
  2. You don’t limit yourself to those of a similar background and date as you please. And maybe you’re braver enough to say fcuk that and let everyone around you accept it or not.. Thank you brave ones.
  3. You keep holding out for that ideal option. Someone who could be similar to you? And some of us wait forever looking for that. 


That third option is what brings me the most amount of agony. There is a whole generation of ABCD women who don’t allow love into their lives because they are limiting themselves for whatever reason. And maybe by now you’re so used to your solo lifestyle, that you don’t even know how to begin a new story. There is no one specific answer as everyone is different. But what do you do, when your kind is limited? Someone who was raised here and comes from the same background.. and on top of all that also enjoys the same things as you and has similar viewpoints, etc. Open your eyes and hearts to actually allow the love you deserve. Stop worrying about what your family or your friends will think. In our culture, we are wayyy too wrapped up about how things are supposed to look instead of actually considering how it can look. Once your are happy and committed to your decision, everyone else will come around. And if they don’t… oh well.. one life to live and it’s yours.